Embarrassing Stories

[Val]

Last night was my dad's birthday. Had a good time, made a fool of myself, and left in good spirits. Woke up this morning bearing the consequences of overindulgence and had to go to work.

To counter this, I ordered a coffee with 5 extra shots on top of the already one or two espresso shots it comes with. This was now about 6 or 7 shots of espresso in my system.

Halfway through the day, one of my coworkers decides to get an uber eats delivery from one of the gas stations nearby. Dead set on suping me up on liquid energy, he orders me a triple espresso iced coffee.

This is now 9 or 10 shots of espresso in my system. I should mention I've eaten nothing all day.

I don't know what the customers saw, all I know is that their favorite cowboy retail clerk was a little too chipper today. Ever seen Over the Hedge? I was the squirrel. That was me.

I've never felt a bigger caffeine crash. Take it from me, take care of your body.

This is why I don't drink alcohol nor coffee

 

[Rateus]

Have you tried a split sleep schedule (4hrs either side), it doesn't leave you too rough afterwards. Apparently it was quite common historically.

My plan is - Sleep 'til Midday, get up, eat, go to my gigs.

 

[bicyclesonthemoon]

This is why I don't drink alcohol nor coffee

I don't drink coffee but not for a strong reason.
I tried it a few times and I didn't like it.
And I never really experienced any good (or bad) effects of coffee
so I'm never in a situation which makes me want coffee so I don't.
So when someone else might think "ok, I need coffee now", for me coffee simply doesn't appear as one of the available choices.

 

[chaosenjoyer]

I was filling a water bottle from a pitcher of cold water. I fill the bottle, put the lid on it, then refill the pitcher for the next person. I then pick up the bottle and take a drink from it, or at least try to. You see, despite my placing the lid on the bottle, I had neglected to screw it on. So when I picked up the bottle and tilted it upwards, I dumped water all over myself and the floor. Not my proudest moment; I’m just lucky nobody was around to see it happen.

 

[Knightfall22]

I was filling a water bottle from a pitcher of cold water. I fill the bottle, put the lid on it, then refill the pitcher for the next person. I then pick up the bottle and take a drink from it, or at least try to. You see, despite my placing the lid on the bottle, I had neglected to screw it on. So when I picked up the bottle and tilted it upwards, I dumped water all over myself and the floor. Not my proudest moment; I’m just lucky nobody was around to see it happen.

I have poured water on myself when taking a drink so many times!

 

[Knightfall22]

Okay, so here is mine:
When I was a nervous intern trying to get a full time job at an industrial plant, I noticed a very curious thing: The doors were locked using magnets, and if you gave them a sharp and directed tug, you could open them even without your RFID ID tag.
On that very day, the RFID scanner system broke, and I was locked out of the building.
This was my time to shine! I knew of a secret way to outwit the system!
I boldly walked up to a nearby entrance and... RIPPED THE ENTIRE DOORKNOB OFF THE DOOR!
At that very moment, a manager approached to see if that door was malfunctioning too.
I panicked and scrambled to shove the doorknob back in place, and barely got it mashed back in before she could see.
As soon as she touched the doorknob, though... it fell off in her hand!
I was terribly embarrassed as I admitted to her that I may have had something to do with it... before fleeing in shame.

 

[Storel]

It's not my embarrassing story... but I'm sure it was pretty embarrassing for him!



(Click thumbnail to enlarge.)

 

[Rateus]

Narrowing down to the one I want to share is the hard part...

First day I was allowed to walk home from school on my own (well, most of the way home, mum was meeting us at the bottom of the big hill). I saw her waiting and started to run to meet her, as I crossed a drive entrance a big gust of wind bumped me to my left so instead of running down the pavement I ran face first into a giant sandstone gatepost and knocked myself out.

 

[Zules]

Here's an oldie but goodie:

I'm a pizza lover, and I also love replacing white bread with wheat bread whenever possible, so imagine my delight when I learned that the closest pizza place to our house--Pizza Hut--was doing a national advertising campaign for their new WHEAT CRUST PIZZA. I saw it on a billboard! Wowowowowwow I HAD tO TRY IT!

Several days later, my dad was placing an order for pizza, and I recommended we try the new WHEAT CRUST PIZZA. He requested this new pizza, but the nice Pizza Hut employee on the phone had no idea what he was talking about. Huh???

Turned out I dreamed the billboard thing and somehow thought it was a real memory.

 

[Rateus]

Here's an oldie but goodie:

I'm a pizza lover, and I also love replacing white bread with wheat bread whenever possible, so imagine my delight when I learned that the closest pizza place to our house--Pizza Hut--was doing a national advertising campaign for their new WHEAT CRUST PIZZA. I saw it on a billboard! Wowowowowwow I HAD tO TRY IT!

Several days later, my dad was placing an order for pizza, and I recommended we try the new WHEAT CRUST PIZZA. He requested this new pizza, but the nice Pizza Hut employee on the phone had no idea what he was talking about. Huh???

Turned out I dreamed the billboard thing and somehow thought it was a real memory.

Bless you <3.

 

[Rue]

Here's an oldie but goodie:

I'm a pizza lover, and I also love replacing white bread with wheat bread whenever possible, so imagine my delight when I learned that the closest pizza place to our house--Pizza Hut--was doing a national advertising campaign for their new WHEAT CRUST PIZZA. I saw it on a billboard! Wowowowowwow I HAD tO TRY IT!

Several days later, my dad was placing an order for pizza, and I recommended we try the new WHEAT CRUST PIZZA. He requested this new pizza, but the nice Pizza Hut employee on the phone had no idea what he was talking about. Huh???

Turned out I dreamed the billboard thing and somehow thought it was a real memory.

This is the exact opposite experience I had with an auto-tuned shamwow commercial I thought I must have dreamt up, but turned out to be real.

 

[chaosenjoyer]

Gather round, my friends, for a tale of trickery, deception, evil... and glow-in-the-dark eggs.

Every year, the middle school I went to as a young lad had a science fair, as did most schools. However, in our school, the projects were not confined to a single room. They were spread throughout the halls. While walking between classes, you could glance at someone's mini maglev train, turn the crank on someone's mini-generator, view the process of an axolotl's leg reforming, and so much more. However, there was one rule: you were under no circumstances to touch anyone's project without explicit permission, whether that was in the form of a note on the display or spoken permission from the project's creator. Breaking this rule would get you in loads of trouble, so it was rarely broken. Now, our story begins one fateful morning as I walk into school with a friend. We stroll past a display right next to the stairs and stop to look. It was an odd project, one where someone had soaked eggs in various chemicals to try and make them glow. It was quite an interesting one, especially since it actually worked. It had a little uv pen you could use to "draw" on the eggs, so my friend and I paused briefly to enjoy this novelty. And then, honor of honors, we got to meet the project's creator himself! "You know, if you guys want, you can take the lid off and smell the eggs," he told us. I made sure he was okay with it, then turned to my friend, wondering if he wanted to try it. He opted out, as he worried that it would not be a pleasant experience. He left, leaving me with the egg containers. I pondered my choice for a moment, and ultimately decided that it would be a fun adventure. So I screwed off the lid, held the container up to my nose, and took a whiff... right as a security guard walked by. He immediately asked me what I was doing. I was not afraid. After all, I had explicit permission to do what I had done. "It's okay," I told him. "The guy who made this project told me-" "The guy who made this project?" a passing female said. "That's Julia's project!" And at that moment, it all became sickeningly clear. I had been lied to. And that's exactly what I said. "It would appear I have been lied to," I said awkwardly and nervously. That's when I realized just how deep I was in this situation. It looked very, very bad. So I took the logical path: I turned and ran up the stairs, an action which probably made me seem much more suspicious than I already did. I spent the rest of the day paranoid that someone would walk into my classroom and bring me down to the principal's office. It never happened. I escaped my "crime" scot-free, evidencing that the best way to solve your problems is to run away from them. The end.

 

[Knightfall22]

Gather round, my friends, for a tale of trickery, deception, evil... and glow-in-the-dark eggs.

Every year, the middle school I went to as a young lad had a science fair, as did most schools. However, in our school, the projects were not confined to a single room. They were spread throughout the halls. While walking between classes, you could glance at someone's mini maglev train, turn the crank on someone's mini-generator, view the process of an axolotl's leg reforming, and so much more. However, there was one rule: you were under no circumstances to touch anyone's project without explicit permission, whether that was in the form of a note on the display or spoken permission from the project's creator. Breaking this rule would get you in loads of trouble, so it was rarely broken. Now, our story begins one fateful morning as I walk into school with a friend. We stroll past a display right next to the stairs and stop to look. It was an odd project, one where someone had soaked eggs in various chemicals to try and make them glow. It was quite an interesting one, especially since it actually worked. It had a little uv pen you could use to "draw" on the eggs, so my friend and I paused briefly to enjoy this novelty. And then, honor of honors, we got to meet the project's creator himself! "You know, if you guys want, you can take the lid off and smell the eggs," he told us. I made sure he was okay with it, then turned to my friend, wondering if he wanted to try it. He opted out, as he worried that it would not be a pleasant experience. He left, leaving me with the egg containers. I pondered my choice for a moment, and ultimately decided that it would be a fun adventure. So I screwed off the lid, held the container up to my nose, and took a whiff... right as a security guard walked by. He immediately asked me what I was doing. I was not afraid. After all, I had explicit permission to do what I had done. "It's okay," I told him. "The guy who made this project told me-" "The guy who made this project?" a passing female said. "That's Julia's project!" And at that moment, it all became sickeningly clear. I had been lied to. And that's exactly what I said. "It would appear I have been lied to," I said awkwardly and nervously. That's when I realized just how deep I was in this situation. It looked very, very bad. So I took the logical path: I turned and ran up the stairs, an action which probably made me seem much more suspicious than I already did. I spent the rest of the day paranoid that someone would walk into my classroom and bring me down to the principal's office. It never happened. I escaped my "crime" scot-free, evidencing that the best way to solve your problems is to run away from them. The end.

This kind of thing always happens to me too! Instead of explaining, I freeze up, run away, and make everything seem much worse!

 

[Avidro]

Gather round, my friends, for a tale of trickery, deception, evil... and glow-in-the-dark eggs.

Every year, the middle school I went to as a young lad had a science fair, as did most schools. However, in our school, the projects were not confined to a single room. They were spread throughout the halls. While walking between classes, you could glance at someone's mini maglev train, turn the crank on someone's mini-generator, view the process of an axolotl's leg reforming, and so much more. However, there was one rule: you were under no circumstances to touch anyone's project without explicit permission, whether that was in the form of a note on the display or spoken permission from the project's creator. Breaking this rule would get you in loads of trouble, so it was rarely broken. Now, our story begins one fateful morning as I walk into school with a friend. We stroll past a display right next to the stairs and stop to look. It was an odd project, one where someone had soaked eggs in various chemicals to try and make them glow. It was quite an interesting one, especially since it actually worked. It had a little uv pen you could use to "draw" on the eggs, so my friend and I paused briefly to enjoy this novelty. And then, honor of honors, we got to meet the project's creator himself! "You know, if you guys want, you can take the lid off and smell the eggs," he told us. I made sure he was okay with it, then turned to my friend, wondering if he wanted to try it. He opted out, as he worried that it would not be a pleasant experience. He left, leaving me with the egg containers. I pondered my choice for a moment, and ultimately decided that it would be a fun adventure. So I screwed off the lid, held the container up to my nose, and took a whiff... right as a security guard walked by. He immediately asked me what I was doing. I was not afraid. After all, I had explicit permission to do what I had done. "It's okay," I told him. "The guy who made this project told me-" "The guy who made this project?" a passing female said. "That's Julia's project!" And at that moment, it all became sickeningly clear. I had been lied to. And that's exactly what I said. "It would appear I have been lied to," I said awkwardly and nervously. That's when I realized just how deep I was in this situation. It looked very, very bad. So I took the logical path: I turned and ran up the stairs, an action which probably made me seem much more suspicious than I already did. I spent the rest of the day paranoid that someone would walk into my classroom and bring me down to the principal's office. It never happened. I escaped my "crime" scot-free, evidencing that the best way to solve your problems is to run away from them. The end.

Only barely relevant, but your awkward "It would appear I have been lied to," made me think of a dream I once had and which has since become an inside joke between @Zules and me.

I can't remember most of it, but I distinctly remember Harry Potter speaking into a wizardy microphone, apparently telling all of Hogwarts (this was during Covid lockdown): "You're being lied to! You can fight the virus with common household cleaning supplies!"

 

[Rateus]

Only barely relevant, but your awkward "It would appear I have been lied to," made me think of a dream I once had and which has since become an inside joke between @Zules and me.

I can't remember most of it, but I distinctly remember Harry Potter speaking into a wizardy microphone, apparently telling all of Hogwarts (this was during Covid lockdown): "You're being lied to! You can fight the virus with common household cleaning supplies!"

Given how Rowling has evolved on twitter this is a plausible bit of dialog for a future spin off novel :-/

 

[Oegyein]

HOO have I a story for y'all. Huddle 'round the campfire and pour yourself another round of your favorite beverage. @EstherTb has probably heard the death of this story after hearing me complain in real time XD

So this semester has been unique, in which I've had more group assessments so far than normal. One of my classes specializes in News Media, entailing techniques behind reporting and the practice of conveying current affairs in a way that is succinct, informative, and appeals to the modern reader. Our first major assessment for this class involved working in assigned groups of 3 to write and produce an "explainer" video. These are the kinds of videos on youtube that explain as much about a current news story or drama in about 3-5 minutes.

I was sorted into a group with a girl who we will call Gertrude, and a dude who we will call Fabian. From day one we had a bit of a rough start as a group but in particular my trouble lay with Gerty.

Fabian actually missed our first group session as he was up in Queensland for family stuff. Now as someone with family in QLD, I know that "family stuff" could be anything from "visiting your grandparents" to "Your uncle just died and we're going to his funeral", so understandably it's something you treat with a level of sensitivity. I figured this was no big deal since we had about a month to work on the assessment and focused on coming up with a topic to talk about with Gertrude.

Problem number one: We brainstormed some ideas which (not to toot my own horn) were mostly all mine (aw what the heck, toot toot!). Gert's main suggestion was the impact of the barbie movie. I have not seen the barbie movie, I will not pay $16 just to do a class assessment for a movie I don't particularly have any interest in watching. Despite multiple "subtle" conversational returns back to the topic, we (with the decisive help of the tutor) settled on the Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk cage fight. It wasn't my first pick, but it had significantly more substance and was far more unique than the barbie movie (two other groups ended up picking that topic too and had to decide between them who would run with it). Per my suggestion, we compiled our work and research onto a shared google document and made a facebook groupchat to keep in contact.

No sooner than the chat was made, Gertrude started drilling into Fabian for not being there, complaining that "The assessment is due so soon!" (It was not, we had plenty of time), and "I have so many assessments due at the same time!" (So did we, we planned for our assessment due dates). Fabian, the absolute chad that he is, treated this unjust criticism with more grace and patience than I would have had in that exchange, outlining a pattern in his role in the group for most of our time working together. Mind you, we gave this guy the responsibility of writing the script with information we'd all research, so he had one of the more theory-heavy roles.

A week passes and we're busy with some other assessments, and Gertrude starts complaing about how little work we've been doing. Fabian apologizes for being busy and stops what he;s doing right then and there to contribute to the research. I, on the other hand, look through the google doc history because something about her complaining don't sound too right to me. Lo and behold, about 30% of the work was all me. 69% of the work was Fabian. Gertrude contributed no new information. In fact, she contributed negative information. The few things on that document highlighted in her user color were all questions to things she didn't understand, things which were quite clearly outlined in the document.

Whatever. By this point we figured she wasn't going to be too helpful anyway so we gave her the easiest role: Record the 3 minute audio. I on the other hand took the heavy burden of editing and producing the video (Jk, I'll take any opportunity to incorporate video editing into my assessments).

The script gets done, it reads really well, the vocabulary is great and Fabian is rightly proud of his work. Gertrude reads it over and, right on cue, starts complaining. She complains that the vocabulary is too academic and advanced, citing examples such as "The two fighters will DON the gloves" and "The fight at the HELM of their feud".

I... I don't know... how else to convey the impression this woman gives off, other than that I now suspect she reads the instructions on her shampoo bottle when showering and still manages to get soap in her eyes. She couldn't pour rootbeer out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

Again, whatever. We gave her the easiest task and now that the script was done all she had to do was sit down for a few minutes and record it.

... A 3 minute audio somehow turned into five days. For some reason known only to Gertrude, she broke up the script into individual paragraphs, would spend maybe 1 minute recording 30 seconds worth of audio, then send it to me piece by piece AS SHE WAS RECORDING.

As the editor, I couldn't do anything until I had the audio to edit around, and I should mention this is in the last week until the assessment was due. She chastized us earlier for not taking the due date seriously and yet here she is being the only reason we haven't submitted the assessment already. I think she thought video editing is some magic process that only takes a few minutes to do in iMovie with the ipad everyone's CEO dad bought them for Christmas.

So I sat there, editing audio piece by piece, listening to her super inconsistent audio, and saving every 10 seconds because my software wasn't working as well as it should've.

OH! I forgot the best part.

The first piece of audio she wanted to airdrop to me. I made it clear, from day one, that I do not have an apple device, nor have any intention of owning an apple device. I cannot receive airdrops, and I will not bother trying to rip files off of Facebook Messenger.

After politely and patiently reminding her that I cannot and will not accept an apple airdrop, I tell her the best way to get files to me is via the google drive we set up earlier.

.... She says we don't have one. She was there when I sent the email link to it, but she insists we don't have one. I breathe in, and I breathe out. I tell her she can just send me the file link once she uploads it to her own google drive.

... She doesn't know how. I'm on the verge of kicking a chair out the window, but whatever. fine. I'll teach a grown woman who works professionally in PR and is in the 3rd year of her communications degree how to use google drive.

So I text her instructions on how to use google drive. Step 1: go to google drive. She doesn't understand, gives up, and calls me instead so I can walk her through it.

"Alright, so I'm here in google drive right?" she says, pointing her camera to the screen.

She has opened google. Google search engine.

It takes everything in my power not to hang up there and then.

I tell her to go to the specific URL. She does. I teach her step by step how to click the big plus sign that says "NEW DOCUMENT". I teach her how to click the other big button that says "SHARE".

After 5 agonizing new files and shares, I finally have all the pieces and put together one of my favorite class-assessment videos I've done so far. Granted, Gertrude has an absolutely grating voice and I had to listen to it for hours on end to piece it all together. The audio quality is inconsistent, a another word she doesnt know when I mention it in the chat, but I work with what I have.

Fabian, God bless him, is incredibly infuriated after someone parked him in his apartment, blocking him from getting to our last class. For as patient he's been with Gertrude throughout this period, he finally snaps. Private messages me just to complain about her. I thought I was mad at her, hell hath no fury like what this poor man had.

Within hours of the deadline, I finally export the video using a mix of hitfilm and premier (because both suck but in different ways) and submit the assessment. We now have new groups for the next assessment and I'm glad I can leave Gertrude to be someone else's problem.

 

[Rateus]

"the vocabulary is too academic and advanced" Maybe your vocabulary is too juvenile and inadequate. I'll go make a cup of tea whilst you look at those two words and formulate your response Gerty.

 

[Avidro]

"GERTY NOOOO" escaped my lips as soon as I read that shortened form of Gertrude's name, for reasons which (surprise surprise) relate to another inside joke between @Zules and me.

...Well, less of a joke and more of a sad memorial to a friend now lost. We salute you, Gerty the Nidorina. Your efforts, though in vain, are not forgotten.

 

[chaosenjoyer]

Dealing with that directly would definitely be infuriating beyond belief but as a third party I’m wheezing with laughter

 

[EstherTb]

Set the scene: here I am, procrastinating packing for tomorrow and reading a fun manwha to pass the time. My plan is to pack early and leave at 9. My light is on because subconsciously I do need to pack now so this is my motivation to not go to bed yet.

I see something out of the corner of my eye. Something large. Something dark. Moving fast. On the wall. Towards ...my...bed....!

I stare at it in shock for about 2.5 seconds as it quickly makes it's way from the doorway wall to the wall that my bed is against. I leap out of bed. This is no time to take photos! A COCKROACH HAS INVADED MY ROOM!! I grab my nearest shoe and take a mad dash towards it in a desperate attempt to kill it before it reaches the safety of my underbed abyss. I miss. Hastily, I jerk my bed away from the wall, revealing the disheveled mess underneath. There he is. Scuttling. Trying to find a dark corner. I attempt to reach him once again. But he's too fast! He races down the wall and turns the corner, now on the long side of the bed instead of the headboard. Now he is gunning for the cover of the bedroom curtains and the dresser near the end of the bed. I madly claw at the bed to get it far enough away from the wall so I can reach him. I weakly call for my sisters help. Not wanting to alarm the neighbors but the panic is rising.

He's gone. I swipe the curtains to the side thinking he has gone behind the dresser. Dread fills me. He's gone. There's only one place he could be, the fiend. He's on my bedpost! Hidden between the mattress and the wood! I run. It's too much. I bang on the doors of my roommate's locked doors crying for help and tell her my pleas. She giggles. "A roach?" THEN She declares confidently. "I'll take care of it!"

We return to the room. Me lagging behind my hero. She peers at the place I'm pointing at. He's gone. Again. She looks all over. She shrugs. Saying he's not there. Sort of grinning at my cowardice. I know he's here. There's only one place left. Under my mattress. I brace myself and tell her to be ready to grab it. She has no fear of the roach, smirking quietly.

I carefully lift the mattress, hoping the roach will be further down. He's not. He's at the edge of it. He touched my hand. I scream and drop the mattress, fleeing from the room. My sister, unable to contain herself, bursts into laughter as she carefully recovers the BEAST. I beg and plead for her to dispose of it. Outside. Away from me.

She obliges. But not without taking photos and laughing a lot. I of course join in the laughter (once the roach is secured and far away). Roaches can't even harm you! Why am I scared? I DONT KNOW BUT NOW IVE GOT GLUE TRAPS EVERYWHERE